Weird Tales of Metal - The Best Heavy Metal from Europe CD (1989)

Apparently the best heavy metal from Europe is mostly hard rock by volume

 

Imagine it's the late '80s. What? No, no. Sadly, there's no New Renaissance Rec. buying spree involved. Don't interrupt me.

So let's say you happen to be the head of a music entertainment company, an evolutionary permutation of your family's old plastics business, which itself spun off one of America's premiere manufacturers and distributors of children's records. You've got loads of experience with diversification, as in addition to the main kiddie record hustle, the record plant was pumping out all sorts of budget vinyl under various sub-labels--there was even a dedicated religious imprint. But now, it's the CD age. You want to continue the finger-in-every-pie business approach and have multiple sub-labels spanning numerous forms of music. Ultimately, you end up releasing a single* heavy metal compilation, and this is the result. Best of all, the location of your factory just so happens to lend itself to being a fantastic name for a heavy metal sub-label.

Let's not pretend for a moment that any discerning heavy metal fan should take the title literally, and  that this was any kind of genuine attempt to present the best iron'n'steel late '80s Europe had to offer. It would be shocking if any compilation brazen enough to call itself The Best Heavy Metal from Europe actually delivered the goods! I would have been quite content with a compilation of solid-but-far-from-the-best Euro-HM, but sadly, this CD has all the hallmarks of being made solely to capitalize on heavy metal's commercial popularity. The wonky band selection and overall lightness just reeks of being the result of intervention/help in band selection by insidious journalistic forces (I would have suspected Kerrang!, but there's actually some (self-?)fellating of Metal Hammer in the May-Linn writeup in the booklet).

I suspect most of the people who actually bought this around the time of its release wouldn't have even been the types to fully appreciate it. Most of the tracks are pretty lightweight for anyone into traditional metal, and even for more into hard rock and hair band stuff, this was probably little more than a novelty. Despite all this, I find it intriguing that a release this late in the '80s completely disregards thrash, and just as an early overground attempt to compile some comparatively obscure and "exotic" metal/hard rock, it's an interesting relic, especially in light of the state of archaic heavy metal hunting today. On with the tracks:

Lenny Wolf's Germany - German National Anthem/Young Ones

<Insert naughty "Horst-Wessel-Lied" joke here> This is older 1982 material that was only released around 1989, I assume to capitalize on Herr Wollschlager's success with Kingdom Come. Much heavier and more enjoyable than either Kingdom Come or Stone Fury, but still more in the hard rock realm rather than full-on metal. Has a somewhat early '80s Scorpions vibe, and Lenny's vocals here actually remind me much more of an accented Geddy Lee than anything Robert Plant.

 

Skanners - Turn It Louder Now

While the band is a very solid choice to represent Italy, I can't say the same for the unfortunate song selection. Even their first album had some songs with a strong commercial edge, but the AOR keyboards here are a bit much. Just as American '80s hard rock emulation, it's ok, but c'mon! I'm looking for some of The Best Heavy Metal from Europe. This isn't it.

 

Mogg - In and Out of Love

More AOR. It seems particularly insipid to include this on what is purportedly a heavy metal comp. 

Also should add that I didn't realize they were Swedes for years, and whenever I saw the band mentioned somewhere, I just assumed it was an eponymous Phil Mogg project.

 

Tygers of Pan Tang - Open to Seduction

Yet even more AOR. Given the relative popularity of ToPT compared to the other bands here, I suspect far more people knew about the musical nosedive they took after their third album, so this track comes as less of a shock.

Difficult as it may be to admit, the heavier guitars and overall catchiness make it come off far better than the Mogg tune. I remember a review (Kerrang!, I think) that called Tony Dolan-era Venom "a spent force making unremarkable records," which is more fitting for this era of the Tygers.

 

Rash Panzer - AC/DC

Ultimately, it's just a hard rock band covering Sweet, but the speed and exuberance displayed here are refreshing after the last few duds. 

 

Zero Nine - Total Blackout

The Voodoo You era isn't the band's most flattering, but not their softest material, either. Hard-driving stuff but a falls a bit short of being full-on metal, and I could do without the (limited) keyboard use. Still, to be fair, in the company of the previous tracks, it seems relatively heavy.

 

Blind Petition - Addicted to Saddness

Quaint speed metal. In other contexts this would probably be seen as lacking some punch, although it comes off quite heavy compared to the hard rockers here.

 

Crosshead - Danger

Of course, the most obscure band on the comp. at the time delivers the heaviest and most traditional track. Again, it's all about context--the song stands tall and proud here but is more middle-of-the-road in its other compilation appearances alongside metal bands. Still, I can't help but smile and fistbang to the gang chorus.

 

May Linn - In the Shelter of the Night

Another victim of poor song selection. The song mostly trundles along harmlessly, but I never liked the overly saccharine choruses with the keyboards. It also feels completely odd that by virtue of being Shark Rec. signees, they're probably the most well-known band included on here after ToPT and Lenny.

 

Kingsize - Mr. O 

This Swedish one-off group did an obscure 7" single with 2 tracks composed for the 1987 Mr. Olympia bodybuilding competition in Gothenburg. Not metal by any means, but I somewhat respect just how much it revels in sheer '80s-ness, particularly "The Final Countdown"-esque synth fanfares during the choruses. While synth-heavy AOR shouldn't be on a strictly metal comp. of any kind, the solo section alone makes it marginally heavier than several of the other rockish tracks on here.

 

So yeah, most of the appeal here is the comparative obscurity of the bands, especially for the time. As an actual metal compilation, it's sorely lacking, and I daresay that labels like K-Tel have put out better examples of metal compilations. Might I even suggest that the attempt to reach for commerciality here based on the song selection seems to have done very little to benefit the label or the majority of people buying it. So yeah, The Best Heavy Metal from Europe is much less an awful compilation than a disappointingly ironic one. This is a weird tale of metal that ends up being mostly hard rock.

 

 

*There was actually a companion compilation of sorts. I'm planning to cover it eventually so I won't say too much, but based on the circumstances of its release, it's not really clear whether it was meant to be complimentary or competitive. 

Commercial Metal, Vol. 12

  

The "orient yourself" wordplay is clever, but of course they have to ruin it a moment later by calling this the debut album. Despite the huge step down in quality from Law of Devil's Land and Disillusion, it's not as bad as a lot of their later material. But let's face it, by 1985 they were easily outclassed by the Anthem and Reaction debuts as well as scores of smaller bands. It's unfortunate--but not any surprise--that their shift to a cornier hair band-esque aesthetic coincided with their big commercial push in America. Still, it's commendable such a heavy album got a TV spot at all.

Torn Flesh - Crux of the Mosh

I've long been curious about this album, since ages ago I read it was purported to be an example of Christian crossover thrash, and really, who wouldn't be interested in an evangelical version of D.R.I. or Cryptic Slaughter? Plus, every picture of the band made them look like gang member extras from the set of Death Wish III (I'm really hoping the one fellow fully committed to an actual nose-to-ear piercing chain like Jane Child or the Skid Row guy, but I suspect it's a clip-on).

Sadly, aside from "Kill the Dead," closer "The Ultimate Finale," and a few other spots here and there, nothing really maintains crossover energy or velocity consistently--they're clearly quite a punkish band, but it comes off more like a thrash band that listened to too much Fear. Despite not being all that fast or vicious or even possessing exceptional metal songwriting skills, just as punky thrash, there's a somewhat pleasant genericness to the music. But then there's the issue of the vocals, one of the strangest stylistic choices I've heard in metal. They're done in a very affected gruff voice which sounds like a cross between a Trey Parker character (I hear mostly Mr. Garrison) and a toned down, less macho version of the vocals on Dead Serios' "Who's Your Buddy?" album. The vocalist typically tries to cram as many words into as compact of a space as possible, often sounding like an irate middle aged man rambling incoherently over the music. Even when he's not as motormouthed, the vocals are belted out with little regard to how their timing or cadence fits the music. Unique, yes, but it makes it hard to listen to this conventionally and not just as a quirky novelty spin.

Not going to dwell on the lyrics too much--I appreciate the straightforwardness despite it being Christian stuff and there being some dorky examples of metaphorical lyrics.  Fundamentally it's not more preachy than some Sacred Reich or Nuclear Assault songs. Besides, if you're on this blog, you should be wearing your adult pants (unless you happened to be perusing the Lee Aaron post, in which case they might be off). The opening verse to "Innocent Eyes" is pretty hilarious though (lyrics include "Happy baby is being spoon-fed/Patted on the back and placed into bed"), especially since the underlying music sounds like something off of Anal Cunt's Picnic of Love. Oddly, they chose to put "(Time to mosh)" in the lyrics sheet at the end of a song dealing (rather mildly) with child exploitation (in the actual song, it's a rather un-rageworthy instrumental reprise).

From what I understand the band was formed by youth ministry members as a reaction against secular music, which isn't a big surprise. Compared to the other Christian crossover albums released in 1989, this is less aggressive and feels more contrived than The Lead (to be fair, the opening riff to "Kill the Dead" is by itself better than anything The Lead ever did) or The Crucified. Doesn't seem like those odd vocals did much good for them, although would things have been much different had they been swapped out? Who knows...just another weird tale of metal.

Bestial Lust (random metal musings)

 

I can't wait for my sweet AliExpress t-shirt.

Recently found a copy of The Return...... for $2. It's a particularly cheap-looking later CD version with uncrisp layout graphics, although I was happy that it had the original LP cover on the back, since my older disc only has a plain tracklist. I don't dislike it, but it's certainly my least favorite out of the first 3 Bathory albums, and even out of the first 5 depending on whether I'm in a Blood Fire Death mood or not.

A few vintage magazine reviews (mostly UK reviews, one of which I'm almost certain was from Metal Forces) referred to this as death metal. Certainly some of this had to do with the unfamiliar waters and nebulous boundaries of the embryonic extreme metal scene, so new as to lack much codification.  But since the album is very bestial and even brutal in its approach, I wonder if it partially had to do with trying to describe them in a way that somewhat differentiated them from Venom (ironically, I think "Bestial Lust" is one of the purest examples of Venom worship ever done--if the English in the lyrics was cleaned up a bit and it had the Black Metal production, it would be a Venom track).

I'm far from the first to suggest the idea, but I don't really see The Return...... mentioned much as a foundational influence for all of the bestial black/death and war metal stuff.  I remember immediately thinking of aspects of the album's aura and production choices when I heard Bestial Warlust and Blasphemy for the first time, and even some in the Conqueror demo too.  At the same time, I also hear production aspects and the relentless approach as an influence in a lot of the faster blastbeat ridden Scandinavian styled black metal (think all the Panzer Division Marduk and Pure Holocaust type stuff), only taken to an unfortunately monotonous extreme (also makes me wonder how much of an influence the second Bathory was on Von's Satanic Blood, since there's a certain trance-like monotony to the simplistic, compact songs, although there it's a positive aspect).  

Coincidentally, one of my pet peeves with the album is the weak rerecording of "The Return of the Darkness and Evil."  Yes, it has a faster tempo and more "brutal" approach, yet it lacks all the wonderful charismatic touches of the original like the drum intro and the ultra evil reverb drenched vocals.  Applied on a much larger scale, these are the same reasons why a lot of the extreme metal scene kind of disinterested me after the late '80s and early '90s--like that new version of "The Return of the Darkness and Evil," it seemed more sterile.  And less metal.

Females are Clueless About Metal, Vol. 4.

Maybe it's unwelcoming because you're kind of a dum dum?

It seems like the, uh, research for this article was done by playing a game of telephone.  Why not just copy/paste from the Wikipedia article on Mayhem?

Also, if anyone is aware of any NSBM bands who actually wore SS uniforms and the like, please let me know so I can check them out!  I'm only aware of bands either following fairly standard BM aesthetic tropes, or looking like football hooligans.

Thankfully, her "music" and "journalism" endeavors seem to have ended a while ago.

Archive of original article here:

I will add I have no particularly strong opinions about Pink Mass.  I remember before actually hearing them, they were often presented as some sort of war metal parody band, but in reality they primarily seem to be middling grindcore.  Just throw on some Naked Whipper instead (or for superior aesthetics coupled with better music, Tsatthoggua or Shitfucker).

After the Fall from Grace

I've been aware of Savage Grace's reactivation, and while I don't really have any particular expectations, I do think it has the potential to be more interesting than the 2010 gigs considering Chris Logue will be on guitar again.  I was web surfing earlier and what I was unfortunately not aware of is that THE SAVAGE GRACE WEBSITE IS FUCKING INSANE.

As a huge Savage Grace fan (well, at least of their '80s stuff*), I don't mean that in a smarmy SJW-esque way either.  Despite me being terribly late on this, as soon as I saw some of the crazy shit on there, I knew I had to make a blog post.  

Eh, as much as I love Master of Disguise--it's almost (but not quite**) neck and neck with Skeptics Apocalypse as my favorite US speed metal album--this is some terribly overzealous embellishment at best.  I subscribe to what I think is a pretty standard view: Priest, Accept, and Anvil having early examples of individual speed metal tracks, and the Exciter debut being the first overall speed metal album.  As for the US?  Never really thought about it too much.  I consider The Dominatress and the early SG stuff to be far more USPM than speed metal anyway.  Perhaps the '82 Exodus demo, or the Abattoir or Sceptre demo stuff?

Then there's the book:

This is a bit confusing, as the book is marketed for "men of honor and conviction"--isn't that kind of contradictory with that Ian Astbury looking cover?  The "reviews" are fantastic and made me laugh in much the same way as I did when hearing the vocals in a certain Countess song for the first time.  Alas, I doubt I'll be joining the affiliate program.  The $19.95 price for a .pdf is a bit too steep, particularly since the site doesn't specifically mention if there's anything in there about Peter Knutson or Logue's illustrious medical career.  For that price I want several hundred pages of how the Master of Disguise cover was conceived and executed (and why they didn't get a, uh, perkier gal for the cover).

Be sure to check out the photo gallery, lots of classic (and other) stuff.  Considering anything semi-recent, probably the best classic metal bandsite photo gallery after Nasty Savage's.

I love it.

*"Crazy Saturday Night" is musically decent, but most of that lame early '90s hard rock shit they did makes me want to sing "HE'S THE JUDAS OF US ALL...BE-TRAYAAAAAAAH!  BE-TRAYAAAAAAAH!"

**Don't feel bad.  Cyriis was clearly a gift to metal from extraterrestrial forces.