Metal liner notes of the day

Metal liner notes of the day

Sebastian Bach is not a big Korrozia Metalla fan

Here's more from the special but with most musical footage cut out.  Contains: great Klaus Meine impression, footage of Skid Row accosting Moscow commuters, and a surprisingly funny Yngwie joke.

What daring! What outrageousness! What insolence! What arrogance!

Crom - The Cocaine Wars 1974-1989

My first exposure to these guys was on the CD version of the first two Cry Now, Cry Later compilations; I initially had bought it for the Meat Shits stuff but I noticed and was impressed (by the idea--the music, not so much) that a band had chosen to cover Hirax.

This full length is a fun album to listen to--not because of the uh, original music, though, which is just grindy and/or doomy filler that helps segue between and flesh out tracks that are otherwise brimming with samples and song sections repurposed from older bands.  No, what makes this album enjoyable is that it's full of bits lifted from elsewhere.  It's like listening to a goregrind album where the intro samples are more interesting than the music, the Venom live 7" with the brilliant Cronos repartee, and one of the innumerable metal CDs where the band's original music is completely eclipsed by a cover song all at once.

The thing that immediately endeared me to this album was how they throw all sorts of crazy shit together in a wonderfully stream of consciousness sort of way.  Of course, the majority of the samples are the requisite Conan the Barbarian soundbites, but Tom Araya, Bruce Dickinson, Ozzy Osbourne (the entire band, in this case), Hawkwind (the Robert Calvert bit from "Sonic Attack"...you know, about bleeding orifices, aching pelvises, etc.), and even the Doobie Brothers appear.  Now is a good time to publicly state for the record that I will check out any recording that has 1983-85 Slayer stage banter sampled in it, no matter how terrible it may be. 

They also throw in short little tributes to bands of the past.  There are a  few seconds of "Toxic Trace," "Lethal Tendencies," "Die by the Sword," "Black Funeral," and "Jesus Saves" among everything else, and I suspect there are a couple more I missed (please point these out).  Even without these parts, there's a pretty healthy dose of metallic influence here.  I see the band commonly classified as powerviolence, which I think is kind of lazy and ignores that influence, but I also realize the complexities of trying to classify a band where a grindy part may be followed by a James Earl Jones sound bite and then a borrowed Kreator riff.

I didn't mention the Hyborian Age much in this post--odd when writing about a band whose theme is centered around Conan--but I'm not terribly qualified to do so.  I love the original movie, but I've spent more time in my life reading NWoBHM liner notes than Howard's works.*

*

Commercial Metal, Vol. 7 - K-Tel compilations

A logo that sort of resembles looking into a chick's blouse from the side...

K-tel is a company best known for hawking their compilation albums on TV--their heyday was the '70s, making me too young and my parents too old to truly appreciate those halcyon times.  More detail or historical info about K-tel could easily go here, but I'm less interested in informing readers and more interested in listening to Kreator.

In fairness to the company, their '88 Rising Metal compilation had a surprisingly good tracklist and was one of my first exposures to thrash metal.*

Anyway, they did some metal compilations that had some TV ads, hence this post:

As with almost every corporate label metal compilation, real heavy metal is tempered with commercial pap.

AND WHAT'S WITH THE MASTER OF METAL HIMSELF?  I dig his gladiator-of-the-dystopian-future look and his jerky low-frame-rate animation, don't get me wrong.  But what's with the face, and arm, for that matter? Is he supposed to be cybernetically enhanced, ala Kano of Mortal Kombat?  Is he some kind of robotic compilation shilling Terminator homage?

Actually, you know what?  Fuck the Master of Metal.  "I bring you..."  Yeah, you brought me an album with Bon Jovi on it.  Fuck off.

These seem to be more solid albums overall, and both volumes have Graham Bonnet on them!  Plus, I absolutely love the Axe Attack logo!  It's rather unfortunate that no NWOBHM bands took the moniker and stole the logo. Guitar Pete didn't even bother to use it.  

* 

Metal liner notes of the day

Commercial Metal, Vol. 6

Here's another video with an incomplete version of the same Somewhere in Time ad, but in much better quality, and with a brief MTV clip about the Somewhere on Tour shows:

No idea who that chick is--considering she talks about the '87 US leg of the tour, this would have been  a year or two before my own exposure to MTV.  However, I am pleased immensely that there is recorded proof the words "Vinnie Vincent Invasion" were uttered on MTV by someone other than Adam Curry.

This was one of the only real heavy metal-related PSAs that was made (the only other ones that come to mind are the Megadeth "Rock the Vote" one--which I realize I neglected to put in the Megadeth post--and perhaps the Yngwie PSA I've already covered).  

Unfortunately it seems a bit lame now, especially considering that I hope the typical Iron Maiden fan of today DOESN'T take Bruce's seat belt advice.  Those who blindly worship the band or think they're beyond any criticism should be thrown from a vehicle, pronto.  Furthermore, anyone who compares The Final Frontier favorably with the old material deserves to be paralyzed; I wonder if they'll also say their brand new wheelchair compares favorably to their old classic legs?

FFFEROCIOUS.

Here's one I actually remember seeing on VH1 Classic!  I love the narration because it reminds me a bit of the faux British accent used by Dr. Shrinker himself--the late, great Jay Robinson:

The oral vices of Burnt Offering's vocalist and the Bob Sirott metal connection

Must have been an extremely uneventful week in Chicago news:

It's fun to see casual footage of the band, but I'm amused that any news station in 1999 would devote air time to this, let alone WFLD, the Chicago Fox affiliate.  Yes, CHICAGO--this wasn't aired by some rinky-dink Elgin or Berwyn affiliate.  As weird a piece as it is, I hope the band members take a certain pride in it; I doubt Sindrome ever made a morning news program.

Let's not stop there, though.  Did you notice the male news anchor at the very beginning?  Chicago's own Bob Sirott, and the man is no stranger to doing TV coverage on metal bands. Here's a piece he did for the old CBS television newsmagazine West 57th about Wrathchild (America):

Commercial Metal, Vol. 5 - Let Them Eat Metal

In this installment we have an ad for Attic's 1984 Metal for Breakfast compilation:

The guy on the cover has a slight facial resemblance to Sean Penn--due to his facial expression, this dude may in fact be a hard rockin' Canadian version of Jeff Spicoli.

As was typical for the metal compilations of larger labels, there's some more commercially palatable/hard rock stuff added.  Still, quite a solid tracklist.  I should mention that the Blotto song is a complete parody tune done by a non-metal band, but is still heavier than some of the other tracks.

In 1986, Attic released a follow-up compilation, called--what else--Metal for Lunch:

Based on the rings, hair, and perfect dazed demeanor, this appears to be the same fellow from before, except portlier.  I guess a 2 year diet of ball bearings is quite fattening.

The tracklist largely follows the same pattern, although there's a farther reach for commercial viability with Aerosmith and Kim "I am a Wild Party" Mitchell's "Go for Soda," which are indefensible inclusions on a metal compilation.  As before, there's one song that's noticeably heavier and darker than the rest.

On Metal for Breakfast, it was Mercyful Fate; here, Razor lays in wait at the end of the album, ready to give any unsuspecting thrash-ignorant rockers a serious case of indigestion.

Sadly, there appears to be no Metal for Dinner, and thus, this particular saga of endearingly cheesy album art comes to an end.

Commercial Metal, Vol. 4

Initially I didn't watch until the end of the ad, and having never seen it before, I thought it was just some fan-made thing.  The skydiving footage reminds me of some decade-old sports drink commercial or those as-seen-on-TV '80s rock compilations (Monsters of Rock, Monster Ballads, etc.) that were incessant for a while.

** 2016 Update**
Unfortunately the Rust in Peace commercial was taken down, so here's a different Countdown ad:

Commercial Metal, Vol. 3

The PSA raises an issue that I'll probably cover in greater length in a future blog post.  I don't want to get overly analytical when I realize it's just an ad trying to encourage youth to get involved in the arts.  But note the statement at the end--IF YOU REALLY LOVE MUSIC, PLAY IT.  Well, does air-guitaring count?  But seriously, think about that in the context of the current metal scene, or for any music genre, really.  Most of the subgenres are bloated.  I'm sure in their deluded minds, a lot of musicians/"musicians" think they "really love" music--enough to play it, but not enough to produce something that rises above mediocrity. 

Let me be very clear.  If you think being in a band, working for a label, running a distro, doing a 'zine, or being a pseudo-journalist automatically make you a bigger metalhead or make your contributions valuable, YOU NEED TO BE FUCKING SMASHED.  Don't engaging all of these activities actually leave less time for metal listening, which is paramount for anyone who claims to be a metal fan?  Metal is filled with sub-par bands, companies, distributors, and literature, and in most cases, these morons want recognition for doing a crap job.  Their "contribution" is just about as important as all those overzealous traders in the '90s who would scribble "SUPPORT THE SCENE" or similar nonsense on packages.  It reeks of go-getter attitude but in reality, did nothing, except perhaps momentarily perplex a mailman.

The whole issue of the importance of musical creation vs. enjoyment is a much deeper topic deserving of its own dedicated post.  But the credo of "I participate, I'm special"* is ridiculous.  Imagine if this dumb sense of self-entitlement was transferred to anything else.  If you didn't have a hand in building a car or a plane, should you be able to drive or fly?  Furthermore, would that prevent someone from becoming a expertly skilled driver or pilot?  Presumably, you're reading this on an electronic device right now.  If you can't solder a circuit board, should you be allowed online at all?  Perhaps you should just plunge the soldering iron into your eye. 

No, seriously, most of you should.

*Special thanks to Ace Frehley-style makeup enthusiast Jeff Tandy of Averse Sefira for partially inspiring this post.  I remember him responding to someone's perceived metal sexism (not mine, unfortunately) on some forum, and he mentioned how, in his opinion, girls who worked the doors taking tickets at live gigs were showing metal dedication.**

**Obviously paraphrased, but I think the gist of the statement comes across.  Please note I am only attacking an extraordinarily dumb comment, nothing more.  Bands are obviously free to do as they please, and if that includes glow-in-the-dark shirts and performing Madonna covers, more power to them.

Commercial Metal, Vol. 2

Seasons in the Abyss being hawked by...DON LAFONTAINE!!!

I'm a tad surprised Camelot had metal-related commercials.  They were alright as a popular music retailer if you found yourself stuck at a mall, but they had almost nothing in the way of imports and independent releases.  Spencer's had more band tee-shirts, too.  But what they may have lacked in merchandise, Camelot made up for with in-store appearances:

Yes, with the strains of "Secret Loser" in the background, you could have met a future W.A.S.P. member, a future Lizzy Borden member, a future woman...And Carmen Appice.

Commercial Metal, Vol. 1

Let's take a look at some heavy metal TV commercials of yesteryear via the magic of YouTube! 

Despite the legendary title track, the classic video of said track, and the infamous cover artwork with all its implications, I personally think Balls to the Wall is the weakest of the Accept albums from their golden period--Breaker through Metal Heart.  Not that it's a dud, but that title track overshadows everything else, and though a consistent album, it seems to have less standout tracks than the others.  I never really got into it much beyond "Balls to the Wall" and "Head Over Heels."  I don't have any anecdotes about the album itself, so I'll just resort to rambling about Accept in general.

Accept were one of the earliest genre-significant heavy metal bands I was exposed to (probably the third one, actually, after Priest and Motörhead).  I (vaguely) remember the first time I heard "Fast as a Shark;" my reaction was typical, from what I've heard--amused bewilderment at the crackly "Ein Heller und ein Batzen" intro, then another kind of bewilderment entirely as the guitars kicked in, things went nuts, AND YOU WERE STEAMROLLED BY A SPEED METAL CLASSIC.  I recall playing the song for a guy I went to high school with who liked a couple of metal bands.  And by playing, I mean over the phone, by holding the receiver up to my Sanyo boombox.  He didn't seem very impressed, and thus I had one of my earliest lessons about the general futility of trying to socialize with music.

The band were also the basis for an improptu metal litmus test, which I still occasionally use.  It works as follows:  "Too High to Get It Right" is played so that the intended target/victim will hear it.  The majority of the time this will result in a comment about AC/DC, at which point a barrage of verbal and physical abuse ensues.

The Saxon side of the commercial is a bit depressing.  "Saxon's hard rock crusade destroys America."  SURE, SURE.  MORE LIKE DESTROYS THEIR CREDIBILITY, MR. ANNOUNCER.  Wheels.../Strong Arm.../Denim... is, to me, the greatest three-album stand in heavy music.  Exceedingly hard to pick a clear favorite among them.  Still lots of good stuff on Power & the Glory.  But Crusader just confirmed the descent into ham-fisted commerciality from which Saxon would not recover for about a decade.

I did not hear the album until long after it was released, so it wasn't as much of a letdown, but it was clearly a big step in the wrong direction.  Yeah, the title track has an epic quality, and it's possibly the first (only?) hard/heavy album to have a song about the pilgrims on it, but the song I've always enjoyed most was the "Set Me Free" cover.  Great cover, but very telling that it's not as heavy and mean as Sweet's original...